Published On: 27 Prill, 2017

Sex with my secret lover was amazing – until he fathered my youngest kid

SEX with my lover is amazing – but I know he will never leave his ­girlfriend.

I’m totally besotted with this guy, who is also the secret father of my youngest son.

Our affair started when I went to a ­family get-together two years ago.

My brother-in-law and his wife were moving to Australia, so we threw them a bit of a send-off.

At the do I got talking with the man who has since become my lover.

He is the boyfriend of my partner’s cousin.

He was really nice and I could feel he was drawn to me too.

We talked and talked and he said he would love to see me again, and suggested meeting up for a drink.

On the day of our date, I made an excuse to my partner, saying I would be spending the evening with an old school friend.

The moment I set eyes on the guy, I knew we would have something special.

He is 35.

I am 32.

We decided to find out more about one another before we took things further.

We had sex later that night in his car and it was a bit rushed.

Since then we have planned it better and given ourselves more time.

Usually he comes round to my house when my partner is at work but parks his car a street away so my neighbours don’t notice.

My partner is a nice enough guy but very predictable.

He resists if I suggest doing anything different in bed, so I have given up trying.

Sex with my lover has been wonderful and it’s been going on ever since.

I know he will never leave his girlfriend.

He has told me so more than once.

So all I have with him is the sex when we can arrange our secret meetings.

DEIDRE SAYS: I do understand how special sex with your lover feels but in your heart you know it’s only a matter of time before your secret leaks out.

You could well find yourself alone, with both men walking out of your life leaving you as a single mum with your two children.

Sad for all three of you.

Best decide there will be no more lies or secret meetings and tell your lover so.

Work on making sex with your long-term partner as exciting as that with your lover.

My e-leaflet 50 Ways To Add Fun To Sex will give you a good start.

The secret of your youngest son’s parentage is a ticking timebomb.

For now, it may be kindest all round to keep the secret but talk over what’s best with Family Lives (familylives.org.uk, 0808 800 2222).

Dear Deidre

BEFORE I had my baby eight months ago I could orgasm in minutes – now I do not even get close to climaxing.

I am 31, my partner is 34.

We did not have a lot of sex during my pregnancy.

Now our sex life has faded.

I have put on weight since the baby and don’t feel attractive.

My partner thinks it is all his fault, whereas I am sure it is mine.

We get on well but are more like brother and sister than a couple who are in love with one another.

DEIDRE SAYS: Please don’t worry, these problems are incredibly common as my e-leaflet Sex Problems After A Baby explains.

Show your partner how you like to be touched and caressed and avoid getting anxious about orgasms.

These will happen again when the sex is right.

Losing excess weight will boost your confidence too.

My e-leaflet Weight Worries will help.

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